I can tuck mytits in my pants
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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