his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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