I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
