You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
