It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
