Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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