Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
