god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
