Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think my moral compass just broke
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
