You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
