yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
