my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
