you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
