I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
