if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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