My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
