lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize