Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
