Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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