ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't deserve a penis
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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