so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
