I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
