the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
