Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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