dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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