Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
