Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Alive.
So much puke
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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