i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
