dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
