I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
