I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
