if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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