girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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