You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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