ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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