you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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