my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
