so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
