so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
