I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
