She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
