My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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