I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
