so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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