Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize