It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
