Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize