Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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