Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
