i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can't special order awesome
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
