I wish I could punch you in the face.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
