honey bunches of taint.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
