So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize