Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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