Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
