im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
