I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
