dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
