U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
