I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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