This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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