I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
