8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
