she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
